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Love Grows after Loss

Posted January 6, 2010

In their grieving, Terry and Debbie found each other and great strength.

THERE ARE HARD TIMES in life, and then there are tragedies -- the kind that shake our foundations and shatter our hearts. Terry and Debbie Johnson each suffered that kind of tragedy, and somehow discovered the resilience of the human spirit and the power we have to help each other through life’s greatest challenges.

Terry’s first wife, Cindy, was diagnosed with colon cancer on their 25^th wedding anniversary. She passed away seven months later just before their first grandchild was born. A few months after that, Debbie, a single mom, lost her son Eric in an accident. He was just 17, his life cut short before graduation, before he would ever marry and give Debbie grandchildren.

Both Terry and Debbie wondered how life would, or could, go on.

“My heart constantly felt like it was ripping,“ Debbie said. “It affects everything. You change. It puts everything in perspective. I hope I have become more compassionate about people and the way they look at things.”

In the months after their losses in 2001, Terry felt led to call Debbie and offer a sympathetic ear. They became friends connected in grief, meeting for meals and swapping stories about Cindy and Eric. They laughed and cried together. While other friends sometimes faltered in what to do or what to say, Terry and Debbie found steady support in their faith and in each other. “It’s hard to talk about the people you lost to others because it’s uncomfortable for them,” Debbie said. “If they make you tear up, it’s like they reminded you of something. Terry and I could always talk to each other.”

Friendship grew into love and the pair married in June of 2002.

Inspired by their faith and memories of Cindy and Eric, Terry and Debbie wanted to help others grieving the loss of loved ones. “Terry and I always say you can’t control things that happen, but you can control how you react,” Debbie said. “Sometimes you have to make yourself react, like getting out of the bed.”

But Terry and Debbie felt there was more to do than just work through their own grief. They each completed courses and tests to earn grief counseling certificates. They began leading support groups for others who had lost family members. They now teach seminars about counseling the grief stricken.

Where do they find the strength to revisit such profound personal heartache? They feel comfort from God and from others. “People minister to us,” Debbie said. “You go to help them but they end up helping me. I see their growth and it inspires my growth. It’s amazing to watch it happen. You can help others because others have helped you.”

In addition to grief support work, Terry also has put his IT skills to work in a free program to help the grief stricken. He retrieves important personal and financial information from a loved one’s computer to assist the family.

Terry and Debbie emphasize that loss and grief are natural parts of life, but that those left behind must make a conscious decision to continue with a meaningful life. “You can’t control what happens to you, but really, God is offering an opportunity to grow,” Terry said. “It’s hard to see that right after a loss, but as we work through our grief, we can make a difference in other lives by the way we continue to live ours.”

Each year, Terry dedicates time to New Beacon Hospice, which helped in Cindy’s final days. Debbie volunteers with The Amelia Center, which was founded to help parents who have lost children. The couple is involved in grief ministry through their church, Westwood Baptist Church, where they encourage people dealing with loss to look for help through the stages of the grieving process.

Eight years ago, the loss of beloved family members led Terry and Debbie’s paths to cross. Both had endured unthinkable pain, but they shared that hurt with each other and began to find healing. Their experiences grew into the desire to help others haunted by the same heartaches. Terry and Debbie found a second chance at love -- and a way to share it with others in need.

“If anyone would have told me I would be doing this type of work, I would have told them they were crazy,” Terry said. “It is still amazing to me. We know it’s what we are supposed to be doing. We continue to do it in remembrance of Cindy and Eric.”

DEBBIE JOHNSON, Branch Support Services and TERRY JOHNSON, IT Audit

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comments (45)

Terry and Debbie truly dedicate their lives to helping others. Their commitment is based on their relationship with Jesus and their impact is countless.

Wendy Clifton

Beautiful story!!!!!

Patricia DaSilva

That is so sweet and so encouraging....I lost my 17 year old nephew a few years back and my sister still struggles...it is good to see what yall have done through tragedy.

Barbara Doles

Thanks for sharing your story...I lost both my parents suddenly at separate times....I never thought about what you said, about not controlling what happens, but how we react, that can reach others. Thanks for that...It is obvious God has blessed you both and used you to share what he is about..My pastor preached a message several years ago about "God, others, then you...you guys are living that... Thanks again for sharing.

Fran Nolin

In all things give "Thanks". . . . I lost my mom last March whom I was very close with. Everyday I give "Thanks" for the time we had together and the lessons she taught me. I just like to say "Thank You" for inspiring me to grow in my faith and to grow with God. Be Blessed

SoSo

Amazing Story!!

Felicia Vickers

It's amazing how time and time again we see tragedy turn into something beautiful. It's another testimony to show that God brings beauty from ashes!

Jane't Sellers

Terry and Debbie are such amazing people. It was a blessing to work with you both!

Carlyn Nichols

This is so awesome to read, it really touched my heart because I lost my Mom (whom was my best friend and life) in 2000 and really need this kind of support. I did not seek help and now I'm paying the price with all kinds of medical issues. I am glad that there are people like Terry and Debbie that people can talk to because it really help to talk to people that understands what you are feeling. Still Grieving, linda

linda Pickett

Your story is truly an inspiration. I was blessed to know you guys and watch this story develop at Westwood. Pray you continue to minister to people through your lives.

Matt Haines

What an amazing and inspiring story! You're story is far from over. I can see how God will continue to use your lives as an inspiration and hope to those around you. You'll never know how many people are watching that you don't even know about. Thank you for being willing vessels! God Bless You both and your ministry!!

Shannon Mayo

Debbie you are an amazing person and thank you for sharing such a touching story.

Bejal Doshi

Thank you for living out the calling that came later in life, and for making such an amazing impact on the world. That is exactly what God has called us to do. To Love like He Loves.

Anka Pink

That is so cool!!!! I love hearing about how other people get through difficult times.

Sarah Edens

I think this is a remarkable story. We don't know what God has planned for us, but it's always good to be thankful for the good as well as the bad things in life. Because had it not been for the bad things in Debbie and Terry lives, they would not have had the opportunity to be a blessing to the many lives they have inspired.

Chris Black

Beautiful Story, I lost a husband of 10 years and thru that I found God. Now some 18 years later I am being ordained into the ministry. Be much encouraged in knowing that all things work together for the good, for those who love the lord and are called according to his purpose. Know that God is with you and you are doing a good work. We overcome by the words of our testimony. Thanks for sharing...

Kathy Crumbley

Great story! It blessed my heart. Continue to do God's work and he will continue to bless you.

Elizabeth Marble

Terry and Debbie, Thank God, there are people like you out there to help others to get through the hard times.

Maggie Miller

What a beautiful story....Be blessed, for God is using the two of you to minister through to the needs of others. It is a blessing to give back what you have learned through both of your losses. With the help of God, you both found the strength to move forward and not stand still. We all know that he sits high and he looks low. All of our blessings (which some of us may call miracles) comes from above. Continue your ministry through the Love of Jesus Christ.

Elizabeth Gold

I love your story! God bless you both.

alicia crespo

What a great story! God will use if you're open to him!

crystal

THANK YOU FOR SUCH AN INSPIRING STORY. TO HELP OTHERS TO KNOW OUR LORD AND SAVIOR IS WONDERFUL. I LOST MY HUSBAND APRIL/2009. I DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULD HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT MY USHER BOARD FAMILY

JACQUELINE GARNER

Loss of the magnitude Terry and Debbie have experienced are losses we will all have to face sooner or later. I feel Terry and Debbie have faced these losses better than most of us will or than most of us have. We need to thank God for them and ask that they be blessed from now on, until eternity. Thank you Terry and Debbie

mary stacy

Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. I lost my husband to cancer four years ago and it is amazing how God works in our lives and changes shattered dreams to joy. We are truly changed people with different perspectives. What is important in life becomes very clear: Relationships with God, family, and friends, and a heightened sense of compassion for hurting people, with a gratitude for life and its' gifts. God bless you for what you are doing. My grief counselor helped me through when I didn't think I could go on.

Kathryn Kostopulos

I applaud Terry and Debbie, surviving after the death of a loved one is hard and when you lose a child the devastation to your life is unbelievable. I lost my 2 1/2 yr old daughter, Brandi in 1980 and in 1987 my eighteen yr old son was also killed. They were both killed by drunk drivers. I knew that I could not let their deaths be for nothing. I joined Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and began a life long fight to stop that devastation from happening to anyone else.

Beverly Young

This is truly an amazing story. I can't see myself talking to anyone after loosing my child or loved one. But thank God that you both have found a way to love again, and even to be stronger than before. Now that is truly a miracle. God Bless you both.

Noelle

What a wonderful story! We all deal with grief differently at different times and in different ways. We all will have to face grief in our lives, but with the love of God, family and friends, we will survive. What a blessings you must be to everyone you both touch.

Kathy Mayfield

You both are truly inspiring. We lost a nephew a few years ago at the age of 21 and the pain his parents went through seemed to be unbearable. God takes us through everything.

Rhonda Huffman

I love this inspiratonal story. Really makes you think. God Bless this couple.

Carol Reems

What a beautiful story of hope and strength. Before I lost my grandmother (who had lived with us during my childhood and who was a vibrant, active woman all her life), I truly had no idea that there was what I now call a "beautiful side to grief." I had never realized the intensity of the gratitude we can feel through our grief - the thankfulness for every minute that we were able to share with that very special person. The gratitude for their lives on this earth, the legacy they leave others, the tenderness of their touch and their memories. Your story reminded me again of that unique and precious aspect of grief - and that grief, though hard, contains more than just sorrow.

Melanie Poland

This story was very inspiring and informational. Recently my neighbor lost their 20 year old daugther in an accident. I remembered this story and referred to it to get the information regarding the Amelia Center. I will be sharing this information with my neighbors.

Ariel Struggs

Terry and Debbie have been an inspiration to me. I was in their Sunday school class they teach at Westwood. Seeing how God worked in their lives, how He blessed their work gave me hope, hope that God could use me as well. I am very thankful that Terry and Debbie came into my life! God is good, thank you Terry and Debbie for being obedient to Him!

Scotty Vines

Terry and Debbie helped me with the loss of my brother. They have also helped me with many, many other aspects of my personal life. I consider them an inspiration and I also consider them very good friends. God allows us to go through hard times so that we can learn from them and give back. This is what Terry and Debbie do every day.

Lisa Stafford

Wonderful Story!

Lon Cullen, New Beacon Hospice

All things work together for the good!

Hillary

What a beautiful testimony and an encouragement it is to so many that have had loss in their life. It is great that Terry and Debbie are able to help others that have been through what they have gone through. There are so many people that need help and don't know how or where to get it. Grieving is a process and it is great for there to be people out there that can help others during this process. Thank you for sharing this inspirational story.

Kim

Thank you for devoting time time and effort to a great cause. It is evident that you have a strong passion for helping those who, like you, have lost loved ones. I lost my husband 10 months ago, and the grieving would be unbearable without my strong faith and outpouring of love of family and friends. It has also inspired me to dedicate more time to charitable works. God bless you as you continue to inspire others.

Nancy Davenport

What an amazing story!!

Kelsey McIntosh

Thank you so much for sharing this. Very inspirational.

Stephen Lamar

This is a remarkable story! My grandmother passed when I was only five. My father, uncle, and grandfather all still can't celebrate the holidays like they used to. But God helps just as Terry and Debbie believe.

Gretta Vickery

This story really speaks to a deep place within as it touches the selfless nature that is dying to be put to use in me. I appreciate this story, and I pray that both Terry and Debbie receive a 100 fold return for their committment to making themselves available to help others in healing, but also in giving readers an extra push in making themselves available to serve humanity.

Khisha

Thank you for sharing what God's has call you guys to do. I lost my mother about 7 months ago and i still have a difficult time, but reading your story has been truly an inspiration in my life.. May God continue to bless both of you each and everyday...

Gwen Stephenson

Isn't God wonderful!

Lynda Adamson

I too have had a recent death. It is a very difficult time. My children have lost their Dad. It is very hard because as a Mom I just want to fix their hearts and make everything better. I know time heals all things....Just hope it hurries for them. Thanks for sharing.

Angela Brown

I love this story I do believe God plan is for all of us to be happy and this story has given us love from the two who lives was touch in away unexpected.

Vernett